How To Get Rid of Sh*t

Monday, November 7th, 2022 – Safeway

Today was a very cool 38°F (3°C) and we got rained on a bit, but still not too uncomfortable. We found no money and no roadkill but did score big on tools.

A ¾-inch socket wrench and socket in very good condition. We find many of lost sockets in various, mostly useable condition, and have found a lot of socket wrenches, mostly destroyed and only a couple in usable condition. But this one is the best we’ve found. It will go into our Socket Wrench Hall of Fame (SWHF). Okay, we didn’t have an SWHF before, but we do now.

Someone went nuts on the Tolt Pipeline.

Okay, maybe they were screwing around, but we didn’t find any condoms.

Tuesday, November 8th, 2022 – Park-and-Ride

So, yesterday, we got our old-timer’s (extra-strength) flu shot and we had a slight reaction this morning. The temperature was 34°F (1°C) and we felt as if we had a mild temperature. Anyway, we cut our route short by about half and returned home shivering.

This didn’t help our attitude.

We came across some leaves with ice on them. This was probably left over from a hail storm last night, but still.

We did cross the freeway to the northbound bus stop and found a pair of scissors.

A pair of Wahl Scissors for cutting hair. Free haircuts at the bus stop? Okay, the busses remain very empty, but are the bus drivers giving haircuts for extra cash?

Someone kicked the bucket.

Well, more like pulverized the bucket. So much for our bucket list.

Wednesday, November 9th, 2022 – Safeway and 100th Ave NE

We felt a better today, but one of us , we are not saying who, decided it would be better to sleep in this morning. She’s a wuss.

Thursday, November 10th, 2022 – 160th to 124th Street

Okay, we are back to our normal walks with a temperature of a moderate 37°F (2.8°C). No money yet and we are getting a bit worried having found none so far. We did find a roadkill rabbit and a mole; both were provided a burial in a local bush.

We were hoping today would be an easy transition back into our walking routine, but no.

Jason is back. And yes, there was a machete attack in Seattle this week. So much for relaxing.

Sweatshirt, sweatshirt in the street,

Are you going to give us a nice Tweet? “Do I look like I want to tweet? Tweet you!”

Mirror, mirror on the ground,

What is the vision of us around? “It’s looking pretty shattered to me.”

Okay, one more chance. Condom, condom on the ground,

Oh, never mind.

Friday, November 11th, 2022 – 100th Ave NE

Okay, we are getting desperate. No money yet this week. If we had walked the two days we missed, we probably would’ve found a twenty-dollar bill, but no, someone was too cold. Today was about 35°F (2°C) and didn’t seem that cold, but we may be acclimating.

We are finding fewer things lately, possibly because of a lot of leaves on the ground or the cold weather, but here goes.

An unopened Starbucks Cheese and Fruit box.

So, this cost’s $5.25 and, since we have not found any money this week, we were considering returning this and asking for our money back, but that would have been dishonest. Besides, there was no receipt.

And we wish we had not found this.

Along Simonds Road, someone used a cardboard box for a toilet and left it by the side of the road. We know that there are the dregs of humanity, but why do they keep crossing our path? So, what to do with it. This being Veteran’s Day, Chuck had a flashback to 1968 Vietnam.

We could burn it!

Typical latrines used cut-off 55-gallon drums as receptacles that daily were dragged out, filled with diesel fuel, and burned off. Chuck has experience in this method and it sounded like a good idea, but today we had neither diesel fuel nor matches and besides, we might hear from the City of Kirkland and the EPA. By the way, diesel fuel is very hard to ignite and takes a lot of toilet paper and matches. Just for future reference.

Anyway, we dumped the excrement into the bushes, collapsed the box and placed it into a nearby garbage can. It is garbage pickup day. On second thought, ignore all that. Let’s just say, we took care of it.

Okay, time to check what has accumulated in Chuck’s vest pocket. Not much, actually.

On the left is a street sweeper bristle. We find a lot of these but don’t normally report them, but it was in Chuck’s pocket today. A whole bunch of random stickers. More info below.

Evidently a kid’s weekly report card. Rdg seems to be reading, Math is, well math and Word Complete is a smiley face. So, Monday he got a smiley face (word complete) in math? Did he spell Math correctly? Tuesday was a no-show. Wednesday, he scored an X in reading, no translation. On Thursday, he got an N/A Party in math. Finally, on Friday, for reading, Reader’s Theater, sounds reasonable. Then for Math, Art Docent? We don’t get it.

Then, there was a set of four screws, another hair band, a small rubber ducky, and half a key.  Also, three calling cards: Elite Sports and Spine for back problems; Nadia’s Evening which sounded especially inviting, but it’s a dress store in Seattle; then there is a distinctly uninviting card, “GO THE F**K OUTSIDE.”  We have no idea.

But let’s get back to the stickers.

This is quite the array of labels. Everything from Bait Pump to Heated Seats. However, what was actually used? It appears to be something between Radio, Running Lights, Kontmeter and Spreader Lights. Okay, we can guess what some of these are for but what is a Kontmeter? We checked Google, go ahead, give it a try.

By the way, Chuck’s favorite was the Wench. Oh, never mind, it is a Winch.

Saturday, November 12th, 2022 – Riverside Drive

It was colder this morning at 34°F (1°C) and it felt like it. We found no money and removed a roadkill bird from the street. We did find a tool of sorts.

Thirty bucks from Harbor Freight, but it was missing the light part:

So, it’s pretty much worthless, but it did have an 18650 rechargeable battery in it that we salvaged.

Across from the apartments on Woodinville Drive, someone dumped a large piece of tin.

It looks vaguely familiar, like an old camper shell, but we can’t place it. We will notify the City of Bothell.

Another water bottle filled with urine.

It was found on the freeway on-ramp.

On the off-ramp, we found an apron.

So, if we want to get a part-time job there, we are set.

We even have masks, rubber gloves, and walking shoes. We’re a shoo-in, so to speak. Or should we say “shoe-in?”

Probably the most expensive thing we found this week:

The only place we could find this exact towel was on Poshmark for $35, so we figure it was about $70 new. At that price, the person who lost it better get a crying towel. Or perhaps after the last round of golf, they just threw in the towel. Either way, it’s ours now. We’re going car shopping.

That wraps up our walking week. Our take:

  • Zero money. We have not been shut out since the week of June 13th. Come on, loosen up with the coins.
  • 16 Mike’s Lemonade Cans.
  • 3 Roadkill.
  • 2 Balls.
  • 1 Expensive towel.
  • 1 Water bottle with yellow liquid.
  • 1 Badly-kicked bucket.
  • 1 Cheese and Fruit Box.
  • 1 Kontmeter sticker.

Have a great week and remember to cry in your beer, not the expensive towel.