Unfortunate Fortune

Monday, January 9th, 2023 – Safeway

Our phone apps predicted we would be walking in the low thirties this week, but they appear to be wrong. Today was a relatively comfortable 42 °F (5.6°C). Not a problem. We picked up a lot of small trash, but few things of interest. No money, no tools, and no roadkill.

We did find some litter from the McLitterers.

The McLitterers used to toss the heavy-duty McDonalds’s bags, but since the state had banned plastic bags except for heavy-duty, disposable bags, they have resorted to paper bags which fall apart, making a bigger mess.

Near Safeway, we found a jar.

It appeared to be some cherries soaked in alcohol. The label on it was marked ‘M’ for perhaps Maraschino, masochistic, or mundane. But wait, it could be a ‘w’. What about wonderful, weird, or “weally” good (Elmer Fudd). Anyway, we didn’t trust it and sent it to the wecycle.

In the gutter, we found a neck pillow.

It claims to have a hidden zipper, so it can be cleaned. It must be well hidden because we could not see it. We may check again, but it will require digging through our trash can, so probably not.

Tuesday, January 10th, 2023 – Park-and-Ride

A nice walk today and again, the weather stayed relatively mild. We found no money but did remove a roadkill rat.

We should weave a story together about some items we found today.

Two condoms at the bottom of the Tolt Pipeline.

A pair of panties at the Brickyard Park-and-Ride bus stop.

Okay, call it a thong, but it was found at the bus stop, not in the park-and-ride.

And a lost or tossed wedding band.

So, what is the story? Choose your own ending.

Also, why is it a pair of panties, but only a thong?

Wednesday, January 11th, 2023 – Safeway and 100th Ave NE

The weather was again warm today with only light rain. We found no money and no roadkill, but we did find a tool, and not another socket.

A kind of needle-nose vise grips in very good condition. Well, there was some rust, but they were not run over, so that makes them in very good condition.

This is getting ridiculous.

We routinely dump our trash in this bus stop trash can, but it has been neglected for several weeks, and it shows. No, the dog bags are not ours.

When we reached the top of Norway Hill, Kurt who we have talked to several times met us at the Tolt Pipeline telling us that there was a big mess. Bracing ourselves, he led us to a minor mess.

We grabbed the bag and picked up the random trash. Kurt has lived on Norway Hill all his life and insisted on walking with us and along the way we learned several little tidbits about neighboring houses and people. As we turned to go toward home, he asked if we wanted to see where he and his parents lived.

A short way down a private road, led us to a house originally built in 1906.

It is a beautifully restored and maintained home that we have walked within two hundred feet of and never knew it was there. We should wander more paths less travelled. But then more trash would build up on our normal routes.

We carry plastic bags, two each, one for trash and one for recycled items. We also pick up more bags along the way.

Today, we bagged our extra bags and took them to be recycled. Don’t worry, there are a lot more from where these came from.

Among the trash that Kurt steered us to was an unopened fortune cookie.

We cracked it open and found that “Tomorrow will be lucky and memorable for you.” We can’t wait.

Thursday, January 12th, 2023 – 160th to 124th Street

Today, we were treated with the edge of the storm that hammered California and it rained the entire time. Not Mississippi-heavy rain, but Washington-heavy rain and we got soaked. And forget about that “fortune cookie” we found yesterday. It was not lucky or very memorable for us.  Probably because we forgot to purchase a ticket for the Mega Millions lottery with winnings of over a billion dollars.

We didn’t find any money but did find a dead frog. Near the frog was a pool noodle.

We figure the frog attempted to swim across the road with the noodle, lost it and drowned. Obviously, the fortune was not lucky for the frog either.

We did find sort of a tool.

A pair of cheap safety glasses in good condition. And no, they were too big for the frog.

Thursday is the day we clean up the road next to the freeway offramp. It was surprisingly clean.

Except for the 14Hands wine bottles. Nine of them in one week. One more and we could have practiced bowling.

We found some field rules for a local school.

  • “Do not climb fence to gain access; Severe injury can result.” Okay, what if we just want to do it for fun? And really, severe injury? Why, did they use Concertina Wire?
  • “No animals allowed on the field.” What about that kid Kevin?
  • “No food or beverage on the fields.” Okay, got it.
  • “No tobacco, gum or sunflower seeds allowed on the fields.” So, peanuts are okay?
  • “No bicycles, skateboards, scooters, or rollerblades allowed.” Can we run with scissors?

Adding to the negative unfortunate cookie,

we found a broken wheel cover near the freeway onramp that we hauled home to recycle. So, regarding yesterday’s fortune, we have totally lost trust in fortune cookies.

Friday, January 13th, 2023 – 100th Ave NE

We had some rain today, but not nearly as much as yesterday. We found no money again and removed yet another rat.

At the Tolt Pipeline, another condom.

Then, nearby, we saw this.

Yes, we thought so too, but it turned out to be some See’s candy. Guess the guy decided that liquor is quicker.

Okay, now someone is just playing games with us.

This is a remote control for a kid’s toy car before it got runover by a real car.

Atop an electrical box two pairs of gloves.

Not just any gloves, these are specifically to allow linemen to handle high-voltage wires and are rated at 17,000 volts. And, though we didn’t find these specific gloves online, we found some similar ones priced at $330. There were also two bottles.

A bottle of talc and one of “glove dust” which, we suspect, is mainly talc. The reason? When you work with very high voltages, you don’t want any sweat running down your arms.

Yet another license plate.

Two last week and another today. This one belonged to a 2013 BMW X3. At least these guys are keeping the inmates busy.

We came to a spoon in the road.

It was made of rubber, so was pretty flexible about which way we should go.

It’s Friday, time to check out Chuck’s vest pocket.

A bunch of cards. Two Safeway fifty-dollar gift cards, both empty, of course. A Pokemon trading card and Katherine’s VISA that was expiring in 2026, but it actually expired when we shredded it. A coffee rewards card from Home Run Espresso. It provides a free coffee for every ten cups, but since it’s baseball-themed, shouldn’t it be for every nine cups? A card for a limo service and a real estate card.

A stick of “Pink Tinge” lipstick. There was plenty left, but it wasn’t Chuck’s color. A belated Merry Christmas pin. A blank label, a heavy piece of flattened copper, and a broken clip. A cheap Allen Wrench and a weird sticker of a sliced-up hotdog with smiley faces.

Finally, five hundred dollars. Of course, they were all stamped with “Copy Money” and “For Motion Picture Purposes.” Too bad, it would be the first money we found this week.

Saturday, January 14th, 2022 – Riverside Drive

The rain stopped and temperature remained at a walkable 42°F (5.6°C). As the morning progressed, the sky was partly cloudy with blue skies. We know spring is not yet here, but it sure felt like it today. We found no money and despite seeing several rabbits, no roadkill.

On the way to downtown Bothell, we came upon this.

A plastic bag with eyes hung upside down. This was a bit weird, and we should have left it, but we took it against our better judgement. We’ve seen voodoo movies with this type of thing. We probably brought some kind of curse down upon us, like a thousand Red Bull cans dumped with those difficult pop tabs. But we only came across two of them. Still, that voodoo thing worries us.

At the Sammamish River trail parking lot, another condom.

We can imagine how the conversation went. “Hey Wendy, how’s it going?” “Great!” “Good. Wanna go for a ride on the Sammamish River Trail?” “Sounds good. I haven’t been for a ride in a while.” Okay, probably not, but you come up with something better.

We haven’t found one of these in a few weeks.

A butt bottle. And this one looks to be professionally-done. Remember those jellybean-in-a-jar contests? We can have a fundraiser to guess the number of butts in this bottle. All proceeds go to the American Lung Association.

Under the freeway, we found a stolen package that had been tossed.

There were two devices from the Silencer Shop. After some research, these are adaptors to attach silencers to firearms, sixty-five bucks apiece. We’ll keep silent on the subject.

We picked up a bag for big ideas.

But it was empty.

Sexy Mother Pucker.

It was an empty tube of lip gloss from the UK, but this got our attention.

The fine print was in three languages. We liked the German the best. Just to check, we fed the German into the Google translator: “ATTENTION: This lip gloss will fill in the lips shortly after application and will tickle, tingle and maybe burn a bit.” They probably don’t sell much of this in Germany.

This was a partially abbreviated walk. Janet volunteers to do taxes every year and needed to attend a training class today. So, part way through the walk, she headed for home and Chuck, being the martyr, carried on. At the freeway onramp, Chuck spotted something way past where he usually walks and decided to remove it.

A bin had fallen off some vehicle.

As Chuck nervously approached it with cars whizzing by, some idiot entering the freeway honked from behind.

It was Janet waving goodbye. At least she was using all fingers.

That provided a heart-stopping end of our walking week. Our take this week,

  • No real money.
  • 500 Dollars of fake money.
  • 16 Mike’s Hard Lemonade cans.
  • 9 14
  • Hands wine bottles.
  • 4 Roadkill including a drowned frog.
  • 4 Balls.
  • 4 Condoms.
  • 1 Wedding band.
  • 1 Box of See’s Candy.
  • 1 Unlucky and unmemorable fortune.
  • 1 Pair of very expensive gloves.
  • 1 Tube of burning lip gloss.

Have a great week and remember, don’t trust every fortune cookie you see.

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